Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The visit has ended!

So it's Teusday, yahoo! My mom was here for a visit. Came last Monday eve (picked her up a tthe bust stop in Willowbrook and she left this am to go back to the bus stop) - I didn't even see her this am before she left with my husband before 6:00. She came in for my siter-in-law's shower. The shower by the way was so nice and I am very happy for my older brother who will be a daddy in about a month. Anyhow back to my mom; the reasons she ends up staying with me instead of other relatives is complicated, but she stays here. We have such a long tumultous (yes I do know some big words) relationship and we just don't see eye to eye on a lot of issues and have VERY differnt recollections on the past and who did what and who said what, etc. But she is the grandmother of my children and is not somone I can easily stand up to, so when she asks to stay, I alwasy say yes. It doesn't matter that I was co-chairing red ribbon week this past week and was so full of committments, I still had to say yes. I fretted and worried about what she would think of being here, not having a way to go out and do things if I was busy at the school or with Trevo'rs therapy or needing to put Trevor down for a nap - she would be bored and its not what people want to do is sit around my hosue when they are on vacation and visiting from out of state.
She comes on a bus and doens't alwasy have a vehicle to use when she is here which makes it hard as we both need time away from each other.

I am happy to report that the visit for the most part was a success. we did have one night a very shall we say "vigorous debate" about things, but mostly we got along just fine. She even got out a couple of times and used my car to meet friends for lunch.

I always wonder if all mom and daughter relationships are this complicated, so you let me know, are they? (I can't imagine a man reading my blog, so I figure you ladies can tell me if you have complicated relationships). I feel I can post this even though my blog is public. My mom is even more computer challenged than me and I doubt she would ever look up a blog (at least that is my hope!!).

Some things I learned this week from her visit:

  • Never try to change the mind of a lady nearing 60 that never seems to change her opinion

  • Accept the fact that I will never have a close relationship with my mother (as she stated this week - she knows that all we talk about is the kids and that is just fine with her)

  • Never let a lady with bad eye sight and seemingly bad driving skills get in a car by herself to follow you without a back up plan. Check to make sure the cell phone number of that lady is really in your phone before you leave the driveway!!

  • Get a cleaning lady to come before a visit from a person like my mom (she is not called the "queen of clean" for nothing!)

  • Try to stick with neatral topics like weather, the kids and their halloween costumes instead of topics like dont you wnat to see your new grand daughter and have a relationship with your son (my brother) - even politics and religion should be considered a safer topic than family relationships/dynamics!!

  • Never questions a diabetics diet!

  • Try to not let the "boys will be boys" and stereotyping of boys growing up and forgetting all about their moms propaganda get to you and bait you into a debate about it

  • remember that she will be turning 60 this year and won't be around forever, so just try to get along and have as good a relationship as you can before something happens to one of us
  • remember to thank my husband for getting up extra early to drive his MIL and thank him for not saying a word when his MIL had a car outside dropped off for her disposal, but couldn't figure out how to move the seat and steering wheel.

So now the week is over and I should be safe for at least another year (she didn't mention coming in when my brother's baby is born, so I don't think she will - she hates traveling in the winter).
Maybe next time it should be more crazy than just being a the school a large amount of time with Red Ribbon, more crazy with more than just 3 Trevor appts (nutritionist, OT and Speech) -
If its not clean enough and its too crazy and chaotic, she won't want to stay here and we can go longer between visits! Of course my kids love grandma, so I bite my tongue and make sacrifices in my schedule and do my best to accomodate her. In return, she did do dishes several times and folded laundry and did watch Trevor for brief periods, so its not all bad! Sometimes you need a little something to get you into that flight or flight scary heart pounding feeling that a visit from my mom gives me!!

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Books I have read

  • Friday Night knitting Club
  • The tale of Edgar Sawtelle
  • Island of Lost Girls
  • The Prizewinner of Defiance Ohio
  • Nineteen Minutes
  • Kite Runner
  • Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons